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about

"Stillborn" is my spouse and I's story.
You see my wife and I got married very young. And while to most couples having a baby immediately would seem to be something they'd not really desire. They would "plan" a baby later on. We did not have that luxury.

My wife was told early on having a baby would be very difficult if not impossible. On top of that fact, he family also had a history of miscarriages , and definitely shorter terms(which in her case was going to be a big negative) She carried these thoughts with her. Even before our union. She looked at children much different than you and I might.

I was not a kids person before i met my wife. I never thought Id have any. Or for that matter never really wanted any. When I knew she would be my wife this began to change. I started to see the beauty of them but also, I wanted to see her "complete".

When our marriage began, we started with the idea that we were never going to deny a single chance at maybe conceiving. Not that that was our immediate goal, however "anytime" was a perfect time for us considering our small chances. Very soon after our these days it began to weigh on us, and especially on her. So we started "trying". At first as normal for a long period. But that wasn't met with any luck,

So we decided to seek help medically. This was probably our lowest period. And it was a very long time, and it seemed longer. We were trying through multiple visits and different ideas to make our dream come to reality. There were tears , sleepless nights and questioning of God. "Why is it that we, who are willing to dedicate our lives to this, are not rewarded? But rather there are people who would simply give their "accidents" away.

Soon after a talk with the doctor (where we were told to start looking at adoption) and many failed attempts , that only served to widen the distance between her and her heart, we decided to stop, and if nothing else take a break from all the aches. Now prayer was all I had in this way.

But one day, a very long time later ( could not have been affected by medical help) i got a call. I was golfing with my brother. It was her, we were pregnant! I informed my foursome ( 2 people i didnt even know, but they were happy for me too haha) and ran as hard as i could to my car. Came home and we hugged. This was exciting news. It was as if every prayer we ever wanted was answered. And that time was the brightest i had ever seen her.

New Years eve is where our story ends. While most people associate this day with resolutions and new beginnings. I see it as a constant reminder of hopes dashed, wills being broken and a life that never really started.

Unfortunately this is where my explanation ends, and we must let the lyrics tell the story from here. Thanks for reading and listening. I love you guys

Composer: Axel Otero
Demoed at: Rhoadhouse Studios
Recorded at :TW Studios

lyrics

"Stillborn"
Such joy.
Such love
At the notion that the "weight" was over.
I've always gazed and wondered how you made it through.
The weight of want and its denial was so powerful
But we kept trying
For a face to replace the pain
A cry to silence the hearts longings
Then the news came
And the tears irrigated the plains of your soul
The knowledge he would be ours was amazing
But the thought he would be yours was enough
To erase the journeys scars
But heroes die and so did our (miracle)
And all the light in the room left at the sight
Of your lifeless figure
A body with no soul
A hand with no power to hold
Destroying in an instant everything
A cry to silence the hearts longings
Then the news came
And the tears irrigated the plains of your soul
After the brightest sun comes the heaviest rain
I was numb
But She was gone
And a piece of her heart washed away that day

credits

from A Wolf In Shepherd's Clothing (A Collection), released December 9, 2014

license

all rights reserved

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